My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
