She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
