Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have already put on my inside pants.
A+ Viking dick
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
