I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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