a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
