he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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