If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
