You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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