I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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