Can i not drive my cunt home
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
