It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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