Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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