remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
