Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
