Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
