I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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