I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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