I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
