so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
