WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
