Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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