i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
