She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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