I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
