What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
