i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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