The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
