to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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