what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
