I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
