I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
