Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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