There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
