DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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