every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
