dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
