you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
