i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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