I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
