she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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