I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
