You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
