I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
