So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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