from now on my penis is your penis
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
