so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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