it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
