Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
