I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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