Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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