1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
