Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
