They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
