I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
